Darcy And The Dead
A shorty play by Neeraj Hastings
Darcy comes out from the Casino, foot man
intercepts him
Footman: Your car sir?
Darcy: No I would prefer to walk down to
Pemberley
Footman: It may be dangerous sir with
the road hold-ups and Mafia shoot out around for the owner of a
casino stepping out and
moving alone?
Darcy: How dare you advice me? Do you
expect Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy to go on the advice offered by a
footman?
Footman: My apologies sir. I thought………
Darcy : You thought? Who has given you the
authority to think? I am sure that authority has not been
extended to you from my end!
Footman: No sir!
Darcy: I believe it would be better if
you get back into Casino and bring back my cigar case from my
office drawers .
Footman: I will be right back sir.
Goes
Suddenly the two gangs entire on the
stage from two different directions shooting vigorously at each other. Darcy
stands surprised watching the cross fire. Suddenly one gangster is shot and his
gang runs away. The other mafia don goes to the dead body of the victim and
kicks him, and then he looks at Darcy.
Gangster: Hey you nuts!
Darcy: Excuse me fellow. Do you know the
gentleman you address so rudely as nuts? I am Mr.
Fitzwilliam Darcy who owns the
Pemberley estate.
Gangster: (Gives a loud and hearty
laugh) Hey you folks! Did you get what this geek says?
Henchmen: No
Gangster: He says that he is a gentleman
Henchmen: A Gentleman?
Gangster Yes, a gentleman who owns Pemberley
estate! Isn’t it you nerd?
Darcy: Yes! I own Pemberley estate but I
am no nerd.
Gangster: No You are a Gentleman because
you put on ambassador shoes. Isn’t that fellows?
Henchmen: Yesssssssss
Gangster: A gentleman is known by the
shoes he wears
Henchmen: Yesssssss
Gangster: Should I become a gentleman
too?
Henchmen: Yesssssssss
Gangster: But how can I become a
gentleman?
Henchmen: By putting on his ambassador
shoes.
Darcy: No, no you dare not touch my
shoes. They have been imported from Milan.
Henchmen: Milaaaaaaannnn?
Gangster: Oooooooooo. (reaches to him)
So Mr. Gentleman? Are you taking off your shoes or (takes him on gunpoint) I
make a hole in your head ?
Darcy: Yes yes you may have them. Have
them (hurriedly takes his shies off) Here they are!
Gangster picks his
shoes up
Gangster: Let us move folks (they start moving out)
Darcy: No you cant get away like this,
leave your shoes behind. How can I go without my shoes on?
Gangster: Put on the shoes of the Dead.
Folks let us move on, leaving behind Darcy and the dead.
They all move out.
Darcy goes to the dead man. Very hatefully he takes
off the shoes of
the dead man and puts them on. As he is putting on the
shoes his expression
change from sophisticated to crude. He searches the pockets of the
dead man and comes out with a gun. He takes
off his jacket and changes with his coat.
Puts on the cap of
the gangster too. Now he is a hard core criminal.
Enter the footman
Footman: Here is your cigar case sir.
(Suddenly looks at Darcy and is surprised)
Darcy: Hey you rogue!
Footman: (surprised) Sir!
Darcy: Don’t act nuts. Do you know me?
Footman: Yes sir. You are Mr. Darcy,
Darcy: Don’t try to play smart with me.
A single bullet can put an end to all your goofiness I am Marcos.
Footman: (surprised) Marcos? Who is
Marcos?
Darcy: Yes. I am Marcos the Don. Dealer
in drugs, narcotics, kidnapping. I am waiting for my punters
here.
Footman: Punters? Did you kill this man sir?
Darcy: No, by the Devil gang and I have
to pay back.
Footman: But sir you are Mr. Darcy the
owner of the Pemberley estate.
Darcy: What Pemberley estate. I own two
ale houses, an illegal gambling den and a gang of 40 punters
Footman: No sir. Your gambling house is
not illegal. It is a registered casino.
Darcy: Will you shut up you monkey head.
You clear off from here and mind not to speak of anything to
anyone or your next destination
will be two feet deep in the ground. I am on my way to take my
revenge. Uff. These shoes don’t
fit me well.
(He keeps the gun
down. Takes off his shoes. The moment he takes off his shoes he
returns to be Darcy. Meanwhile
footman his picked up his gun)
Footman: If you move I shoot
Darcy: Do you know who you are talking
to?
Footman: Yes. I am talking to Marcos the
Don who owns two ale houses, an illegal gambling den and a
gang of 40 Punters.
Darcy: Don’t you know that I am Mr.
Fitzwilliam Darcy the owner of Pemberley estate? And you are my
footman.
Footman: Yes I am the footman of Mr.
Fitzwilliam Darcy the owner of Pemberley estate. What have you
done with him? Killed?
Darcy: I am Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. Why
would I kill my own self? Where did you get that gun from?
Footman: From You
Darcy: I don’t carry a gun. What a
senseless statement you are making before your honorable master
who you have been serving for so
many years, common put that gun away. I have to go to
propose Miss Elizabeth Bennet.
Footman: No you have to go to go to pay
back the devil gang, but you are going nowhere but to the
police station on the charge
of the murder of this poor man and my master Mr. Fitzwilliam
Darcy.
Darcy: I am Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. How
would I murder my ownself you block headed scoundrel.
Footman: Nothing doing. Just put on
those shoes of yours and get moving. Common.
Darcy: (heavily insulted) You will have
to pay for the insulting rude behavior of yours (reluctantly puts on
his shoes. As he puts on the shoes
there is a change in his behavior. He slaps the foot man and
snatches the gun) How dare you
touch that gun of mine?
Footman: (Surprised) Mr. Darcy!
Darcy: Who is this Darcy? I told you I
am Marcos the Don who owns two ale houses, an illegal gambling
den and a gang of 40 punters.
Footman: I beg your pardon sir
Darcy: So you are a beggar!
Footman: No, I was just begging your
pardon sir
Darcy: No matter what you beg, a beggar
is a beggar
Footman: (aside) I believe there is some
miracle in his shoes. I will have to check them out.
Darcy: What are you grumbling? I believe
you are not swearing on me.
Footman: No sir. I was just thinking to
remind you that those shoes of yours……
Darcy: what about them? I always wear
them. They are fine shoes. Now I should leave for I have to kill
that rogue Devil. You are a nice
fellow. Do you want to join my gang. There is still a vacancy for
two shooters. Can you kill a man?
Footman: No sir
Darcy: Then you will have to die, sonny.
You can’t get away after meeting Marcos.
Footman: But sir I bring no harm.
Darcy: That is why you are of no use. To
profit in this world you have to bring harm.
Enter Devil with a gun in his hand
Devil: Hey you nuts. Still there?
Darcy: Devil, Be ready to meet your
death
Devil: Oh the gentleman is speaking like
a gangster.
Darcy shoots at him. Devil falls Footman is surprised and terrified
Darcy: When you shoot, just shoot, don’t
talk
Fallen devil also shoots at Darcy.
Darcy falls dead. Devil also dies.
Footman: A man is known by the shoes he
wears.
The End
Note: This play was awarded second prize in Inter-School Drama Competition 'Panorma-2014' held at Delhi Public School, Kalyanpur
